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My time has ended.

February 11, 2012

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Mom and Dad carried me outside, to be among my favorite trees, on the hill where I can look out over my home.  I am on my blanket, on an overcast day.  There are a couple of people here who I haven’t seen in a while, my vet Dr. Daas, and my friend Sabrina.    Mom tells me how wonderful of a boy I am, how she will love me all of her life.  She gives her heart to me to hold.  Dad tells me he loves me, how special I am.  They have to take my time now, so it will stop my pain.  She says it is okay for me to go, that she wants me to. Mom tells me that I may see her cry but not to worry, she will be okay too.  She tells me how precious I am.  I feel the pinch of a needle as Dr. Daas leans over my leg.

I feel light, and am suprised to be floating above my mom, who is holding onto me with tears and cries out loud.  I am floating through the tree’s now, upward, starting to soar.  I hear my Mom’s cries and try to hesitate even though the pull is very strong.  I look down and there she is, her face looking up to mine.  She says, “it is okay my beautiful boy, I love you Sammy”.  I feel bad about leaving her crying but I continue to rise. ” Mom”, I tell her ,” don’t cry!  I can’t seem to come back!  I am okay, you said you would be okay too.” It disturbs me to leave her, but I soar on. I feel such peace, such love coming to me from below and all around.  I hear barking, it sounds so familiar.

Faster and faster I fly, surrounded by love.  The fog clears and ahead of me I see the smiling face of my sister Shy!  She is excitedly wagging her tail and barking her encouragement.  Next to her is her mother, Jazzy, looking sleek and young.   I am racing!  I realize that I am running now, my tail streaming, my feet swift.  I rush into the middle of my family and we greet each other with joy, sniffing, wagging our tails.  I am in a meadow, and the sky is so blue.

A young man comes up to me walking from the tree line.  He has a fishing pole and a beautiful rust colored dog with him.  He says, “I am your Grandpa, your Mom called to me and asked me to meet you here.  This is my dog Rusty, we were going to go out and see what’s biting.  Do you want to come?”  He strokes my fur and I say hello.  I finally notice… I am not limping!  Someone brought my leg back… wow.   I have no pain.  I feel like running and running!  At the edge of the meadow, to the west of the trees over a rise I can smell the ocean.  I look at my Grandpa and I don’t have to say anything, he just seems to know that I want to be with my pack for a bit.  He smiles and says welcome, then wanders off towards the hill.

I race around and around my girls, wiggling and making so much noise because I am so glad to see them again.  Jazzy perks her ears up and looks over my shoulder.  I could hear the sound of many feet.  I turn around and see a huge crowd of people and dogs coming towards me.  I wag my tail uncertainly as a big muscular male dog with a black face gets close.  We sniff each other and I feel no fear, as though nothing bad could happen here.  He tells me his name is Fortis, and his people Brett and Pattie let him know I was coming.  In the throng more faces peered at me, coming out and introducing themselves.  Tails wagged and I could smell the ocean on many of them.  Names of dogs I have never met but heard before, Abby, JD, the Golden girls, a girl dog with a pink cape, she calls herself  The Woo, a big German Shepperd named Jerry, Gus, and a red dog who tells me that he is looking for pennies for his mom that the best ones are down at the beach, a big black dog who could be my brother his name is Super Cooper,  so many dogs to explore!  I look to my left and a beautiful shiny black girl dog is waiting her turn.  I smell her and it hits me.  I have smelled her before but we had never met!  It is my girl, my beautiful girl Gayle.  I am smiling my biggest sheepish grin, my back end wagging my whole body.   Hi pretty girl, I say in my mind.

The people with them are their family and friends, it all becomes clear to me.  They are here with these dogs to meet me.  Mom must have set up a suprise party!  I think of my Mom and wonder when she will get here. I don’t want her to be sad. I lift my nose in the air and try to smell her, I just get a hint of something on my fur.   I look back over my shoulder wondering if I can still see her, but all I see are tree’s.   She said she gave me her heart, I have given her mine.  In my head I try and send a message to her,”Peas and Carrots Mommy”,  that whenever she feels it thumping in her chest like the sound of my tail on the floor, “remember that I love you Mom.  Remember me”.  I can feel her answer, “You have my heart too my precious boy, every time it beats, remember how much I love you”.

I feel so excited, my body is whole again!  I want to race over the meadow, up the hill, I want to smell   and see the ocean.  I look at Jazzy and Shy, “Lets go find Grandpa” I think to them.  My feet dig into the dirt, my heart pounds,  and we race through the crowd, laughing, smiling from ear to ear.




Just like that it is over.  My prayer is that this vision I have of him leaving is true. It has been two months since Sammy has been able to do more than hobble out to go potty, I dream of his racing feet.  I hold Sammy’s body, wanting to turn back the clock.  I want our nine and a half years back.  I want a do over.  I am so alone.  I stand up wrap my arms around my husband and cry.  I can feel my heart beating in my chest, it hurts but makes me smile.  I will love Sammy with every beat, for the rest of my life.




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23 Responses to “My time has ended.”

  1. dee40 said:

    This is the most beautifully written description of heaven through a dog’s eyes…and his mom and dad’s too. Thank you for sharing this intimate experience…

  2. maximutt said:

    I’m so sorry that Sammy’s journey has come to an end. Your love for each other will go on forever. Godspeed Sammy!

  3. AngelAbbysMom said:

    I’m sorry that you had to let Sammy go. Your pain begins now that his is ended. Love your description of his “surprise party”. It helps to think of our pups whole and happy together.

    Big hugs. We are here for you!

  4. zeuspod said:

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. May God grant you peace and courage. My thoughts are with you both.

  5. Dakota Dawg said:

    Elizabeth, I’m sorry you had to do this. So many tradeoffs–Sammy gave up his leg for extra time and you gave Sammy’s time to end his pain. But Sammy helped you become who you are today,an incredibly caring and compassionate person. If not for Sammy, I would not know you.

    Thank you for sharing Sammy’s smile with us. Thank you for loving him enough to know when he needed to be set free. Thank you for loving him as much as he loved you.


  6. Codie Rae said:

    Sammy, what a grrrrreat time you are having! Thank you for letting us know how wonderful things are over the Bridge. Run free Smilin’ Boy!

    Elizabeth, I am so sorry Sammy’s time with you is done. But you truly did give him the best gift ever. And Sammy will indeed be with you, in your heart, forever.

    Codie Rae and the Oaktown Pack

  7. cometdog said:

    Words are so hard in moments like these but please know how much we loved Sammy too. I hope there is comfort and peace to you in knowing that he isn’t in pain anymore.
    I know his beautiful smile is going to always stay in your heart.

  8. etgayle said:

    we know that gayle’s been waiting for her sammy. his earthly pain has ended, and he has eternity ahead. love never ends.

    charon & spirit gayle

  9. tinakc said:

    You painted a beautiful picture. Tears mixed with smiles as pictures came to mind of those who have impacted our lives and traveled to the bridge. Sammy was so blessed to have you as a pawrent. It is so difficult to make that choice for the ones who give us their all and unconditional love. Boomers and my hearts reach out for you in your time of sadness and loss.
    Sammy knows you have a whole group of friends here for you to reach out to, and he would want you to take care of yourself.
    Thinking of you during this time of heartache,
    Boomer and family.

  10. redbud said:

    Oh Elizabeth….my heart is just aching for you. I’m so sorry that Sammy’s earthly journey has ended. I do know that one of the very hardest things that you’ll ever have to endure is what you have just done…ending Sammy’s pain and taking it on as your own. My thoughts are with you…may you find strength and peace.
    Anita, mom to Xena & Roger
    and my angels, Spammy & Chloe

  11. kviz said:

    There are no words to describe how much this hurts and I am absolutely crushed for you. I wish I could move you ahead weeks, months and years from now so that the relentless ache would be gone …and just the love left behind. That day will come,I promise.

  12. Fortisdad said:


    I’m so sorry this time has come. Sammy was such a brave and courageous boy and I know how deeply you loved him. You both have been such an inspiration to so many. Your a kind soul Elizabeth and I’ve admired your strength and compassion.

    Remember, you have many friends within the Tripawd community who care deeply about you. Lean on them for their kindness and support and allow your heart the time it needs to heal.

    Your vision was truly beautiful. Hold it close, believe it and never let it go. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband.

    Brett & Spirit Fortis

  13. admin said:

    This is simply beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Please know that our hearts are with you during this difficult time.


  14. doggiemomma9 said:

    That is a beautiful vision and a beautiful post. I am sorry for your loss. And I believe in my heart you will be with him again someday.

  15. Lisa said:

    I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. It hurts so much to let them go, but we know it’s the right thing. You and Sammy were so lucky to find each other. You gave him the gift of a wonderful life, and when the time came, you gave him the gift of freedom from pain. I’m sending comforting thoughts your way…..


  16. rooster said:

    Very sorry for your loss,but at the same time delighted in your view of dog heaven,and the fact that even in this tragic event you got to spend so much time with Sammy, given how short their time is under such circumstances . You have given me hope that I will be able to spend as much time or more with this pet human of mine,and just love the thought that someday he will get to see again and once more chill among the best friends he has ever known……..Thank you for the time you spent on relaying this grand story. Rooster……….

  17. elliesdaddy said:

    That was one of the most beautiful things i have ever had the honour to read. I bet he is up there having a ball of a time and one day you will be able to play togeter again. God Bless.


  18. Charley's Mom said:

    Tears are streaming down my face…
    That was an amazing post and your words created a beautiful image of life at the bridge. That is exactly how I envision it to be. I’m sure Sammy is having a blast while he patiently waits to be be reunited with his mommy and daddy.

    Hugs and chocolate Labby kisses,
    Ellen & Charley

  19. fightingforsammy said:

    Thank you every one. I miss him daily, my sweet wonderful delightful boy. It will be almost 6 months but it feels like just a blip in time. He is always in my heart, with every beat. I know we will be together again one day. He is my child, my friend, my everything.
    Until then, I will give my love and be loved, for there is nothing better in this world and nothing as lasting!

  20. fightingforsammy said:

    It has been two years and my heart still bears the scars, it still bleeds for my sweet boy. Time has lessened the pain, but it doesn’t end it completely. I hear Sammy in my heart often, I feel his soul nestled next to mine in my dreams. I love him today, yesterday, tomorrow, forever. He was my heart dog, he IS my heart dog. He is my everything. Love you Sammy! I will see you again. Rascal Flatts, Forever. That song will always bring your memory. Love you, Mom.

  21. Elizabeth Woerner said:

    This is the 2nd year without you Sammy. I come by once in a while when I am thinking of you and read your story. I will always love you, I will never forget. With every beat, Mom.

  22. Elizabeth said:

    Sammy, it has been just this side of 3 years. I can think of you now without too much pain. You were the most amazing of boys, you are my touch stone. My love. 3 years or 50, it doesn’t matter. I miss you, I always will. Keep your light on in heaven for me! I can’t wait to hug you again. Love you every moment, forever, Mom.

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