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The storm rages on

December 22, 2010

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Outside tonight the wind is raging, screaming around the side of the house and plundering the tree branches as it throttles by.  With the motion detector light on non-stop you can see the branches and limbs of the big trees outside the window whipping back and forth at impossible angles.  Mom finally got up and turn the motion light off.  She is trying to sleep on the couch beside me, but the light constantly coming on and the branches that are breaking off and hitting the house is making it hard.  With the light off  it is so dark at this time of the morning that it makes you wonder about the things you can’t see. 

I am trying to get away from whatever it is that moms not seeing, but it feels like it is after me.  I am scared, and I want mom to lay as close to me as possible.  I even want my sister Shy to lay right next to me.  Shy seems to sense that and her old bones creak and make getting down on the hardwood floor difficult, but she lies down beside my head.  It is very unusual for her to do that, but I am grateful.

It all started out fine this morning but quickly went down hill.  Mom loaded me into the car to take me to my chemo party when her car wouldn’t start.  She had to dig up the keys for dad’s old  ford  pickup and crank and crank on it before it finally blew a big plume of smoke in the air and turned over and shook itself to life.  Once she transferred all of her stuff over it took her a few minutes to figure out how to get me inside it.  It is much higher up and she just wasn’t physically able to lift me inside.  I ended up helping her by scrambling up underneath the steering wheel and pulling myself onto the front seat.  Her anxiety made me nervous so I ended up whining and shaking for the 40 minutes it took to get over to see Pam.  When we got there, everything went into reverse, and mom struggled for a few minutes before I trusted that she wouldn’t let me fall and I let her pull me out of the old pickup. 

I was happy to see Pam and willingly went to the back room with her.  Before she took me off I got a great suprise.  Mom had left me in the room alone, which is unusual of her to say the least. I could hear her talking in the next room with someone so I wasn’t too worried.  A  few minutes goes by and the door opened to the room I was in and I was thrilled to see JD’s mom!  She smelled of all kinds of new smells so I investigated her thoroughly.  It appears that she has two new dogs and both of them are girls!  YaY!  She petted and talked to me for a few and then left me to go back to them.  I love my auntie JD’s mom.

It was then that Pam came in to get me and off we went to our party.  I really really like Pam and there is no problems at all for whatever it is that she wants to do with me.  I guess while I was gone mom said goodbye to JD’s mom and her new girls because mom was waiting back in the room when I came back in.  This time I noticed something.  When I got back into the room I immediately just wanted to lay down on the soft blanket that was on the floor and breathe really hard, like I had gone for a run.  It worried mom so she asked Pam when she came back into the room if she could look me over again.  Everything looked and sounded fine, Pam said, so mom and I struggled back into the pickup and started to make our way home.  I cried all the way home, whinning and shaking, so it made mom nervous and she concentrated really hard to keep that flatbed pickup from getting away from her.  She couldn’t really do much in the way of trying to calm me.

When we got home dad was there and he helped me get out of the pickup.  I was so glad!  I usually curl up in a ball for the ride home after my parties, but I had to sit up the whole time for this trip and I was beyond tired.  I went right inside without even bothering to go potty and jumped up onto my bed and immediately tried to sleep.  By the time dinner rolled around all I wanted to do was go potty but I was starting to find that I was too weak to do more than go right outside of the door.  I got back into bed and started shaking.  Mom was reading so she didn’t see this, dad had to point it out.  He got a big blanket and covered me and my body started shaking to the point mom thought I might be dying.  Mom got down beside me and tried to give me dinner, water, but I want nothing.  I just want her close to me. 

As this night is nearing it’s darkest hour, I feel something sliding around the outside of the house.  Something just out of view, but something is coming for me.  I cry out in my sleep and mom comforts me with her voice and her hands.  Every time I sink down into exhaustion of sleep I jerk back  awake again, it almost feels like I am afraid if I go too far under I won’t be coming back.

Mom kneels on the floor by my bed and prays out loud for me.  She says to God that he made me so wonderfully and she treasures his gift like no other, she is trying to take the best care of this beautiful puppy he made for her.  She asks for his help and his protection for us all.  She wont leave me.  I am drawing comfort because of her nearness and I think she feels the same from me.  Inside my body I can feel the storm is raging on. 

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17 Responses to “The storm rages on”

  1. CatiesMom said:

    Oh Sammy, I hope you’re feeling better!

    Sending hugs and good wishes.

  2. fightingforsammy said:

    It is turning into a better day. I ate some stew and kibble for breakfast and managed to go outside to go potty. I am no longer shivering. It is going to be a better day.

  3. CatiesMom said:

    I am SO happy to hear that. Thank you for the update; I was quite worried, Sammy!

  4. etgayle said:

    sammy, that is just too scary!! we are sending our best wishes to get you feeling better and not being shivery and scared. just keep hugging with your mom and it will be ok.

    gayle & charon

  5. Nancy Stephenson said:

    Sammy Sammy! Don’t scare all of us like that. And remember to eat. Eating is very important. Thinking of you.


  6. admin said:

    Fear not Sammy, you are in good hands and will always have the support and love of the Tripawds Community on your side. If anyone is coming to get you, it’s Santa Paws just wanting to give you a big hug and some treats.

    Stop scaring your mom, we all have bad days!

  7. fightingforsammy said:

    I am still pretty weak but I am getting better. I stood up for my breakfast this morning and was able to stay up long enough to go outside and go potty too. I now am lying on my bed and looking at mom with my sad face. She is still hoping that it will be a better day for me. Thanks so much my friends for being there.
    Sammy and Mom

  8. daisy2010 said:

    Daisy and brother Sam were soooo concerned for you! Glad to hear that you were able to eat a little breakfast and go outside! Daisy said that she has not had chemo but has been through her share of sleepless, painful nights with her mom. Night can sometimes be the scariest time for our pawrents cause the quiet lets the “worries and what ifs” consume them. Make sure she keeps posting updates cause its good therapy!

  9. jdsmom said:

    Oh Sammy my friend!

    Such scary stuff, I am glad to read your Mom’s updates and that you are able to get around a bit and eat something.

    How great is it that she can stay home with you, cuddling and loving and praying.

    Hope you can both get some sleep. You need to let that poison chemo do its thing and know that it will all be out of your system in just a couple of days. You have come so far my friend, you are almost finshed with the treatments and we will need to find a more pleasant way to have parties!

    Your Auntie Deb
    Spirit JD’ + Serena + Mayas mom

  10. wyattraydawg said:

    Oh Sammy, of course you’re shivering, it’s dang cold up there!

    Seriously friend, hope you’re feeling better OK? Eat up, Santa’s on his way and you gotta be strong to open up all your presents!

  11. fightingforsammy said:

    I am up and bouncing this morning. I am smiling and wagging my tail. Yay for christmas day! What chemo?
    Thanks guys as always, your support has helped so much 🙂
    Sam da man

  12. CatiesMom said:

    Very, very happy to hear you’re getting back to your old smily, happy, tail-wagging self, Sammy. That WAS scary.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  13. daisy2010 said:

    Merry Christmas Sammy! Hope Santypaws brought you lots of cool stuff!!!
    Daisy and Samson

  14. Sulli said:

    Stay Strong Sammy. Mom, dad, and I ….. are so glad you are feeling better.

    Sulli Boy

  15. fightingforsammy said:

    Thanks Wyatt, Catie’s mom, Daisy and Sulli. Dr. Pam says that chemo has a “cumulative effect” and boy she has been right. Sammy’s experience has been relatively good on the chemo. This was his 5th appointment and the first time I really saw some serious side effects. His shivering was as if he was cold to the bone, or having some kind of palsy moment. It was hard to watch and I am sure hard to go through.
    Still, 1 to 2 days of hard is okay with me if it is helping to keep this precious boy in my life and on this earth. He is happy today and his tail is thumping hard every time I look at him. He makes happy little growly noises when I walk by. I am sure that he is glad to be alive 🙂

  16. fortisdad said:

    Gosh I’m sorry I missed your post Elizabeth. It has been beyond crazy around here as of late. But as I have read through the comments I’m relieved to know that Sammy is doing much better. I hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas and that your New Year is full of peace, love and joy!

  17. fightingforsammy said:

    Thanks Brett,
    I love that hat on Fortis, he looks hispanic! LOL! What a cutie.
    Take care of each other,
    Elizabeth and Sammy

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